Published December 15, 2005
I wrote this for a friend.
Acasia
Sink the mountains, sweep the sky
Dragons of the trumpet fly
They descend with violet throne
And all around their flames are shone
Sing the joyous ramparts lost
Call forth the sin despite the cost
From the crumbling ruin cries
The oppressing king as he will rise
From his tears, a blossom grows
And something wicked that way goes.
But charm it with a poison scent
Take thee back the smile you lent
Something wicked sounds the drums
For a stranger beauty this way comes.
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141,274 Literary Works • 674,332 Reviews
Excellent, except for one line: "And something wicked that way goes." didn't really fit, and kind of threw off the story. It sounds like the beginning of a narrative, so it's a bit short for that. But great imagery.
I thought this had potential, although some of the rhyming felt a little forced, also I found it a bit indecipherable at times again possibly due to forced rhyming. As well as this I wasn't sure about the repetition of "something wicked". But i did like this couplet
"From his tears, a blossom grows
And something wicked that way goes."
Ddaaammmnn...
Nice poem!
I wish I could write a longer review for this, but my knowledge of grammar/mechanics/petry is very limited. It doesn't take a grammar whiz to recognize a good poem, though!
Woop you are a good friend. I really liked itr although I did not completly understand it. Also it did not mention blue frogs.
What will we ever do without blue frogs? Die. I love the simple word "wicked."